Part One
Translation by Gav

Gav's Notes: I've occasionally mentioned onna-kotoba or otoko-kotoba (girl's speech and boy's speech). I've only done this where it seemed particularly extreme, funny, or germane to the plot (obviously, this is a judgement call on my part), and where it's been difficult to indicate some other way. If Eitaro calls the mad scientist "dear," for example, assume onna-kotoba. Most of the time, assume (s)he's using socially appropriate speech, whether male or female speech.

I mostly don't use -kun, -san, etc, except where they way they're used is important to the story. (So far only pages 93-97.) For those that like to have those endings, sorry.

Page numbers are based on the Super Jump Ace edition currently in print. If you have another edition, you may have a different page count. Bolded text corresponds to the accompanying illustration. Remember that Japanese reads right to left, so begin all comic panels at the upper right and read them "backwards."

Boku no Shotaiken characters, dialog and images are copyright Hikaru Yuzuki and Shueisha. This translation is copyright Gav.

p. 4
Eitaro rips a "Playboy" magazine in half.
1. Eitaro: What the heck is "Playboy"?

2. Eitaro: What's "Technique"? It's filth! Yeuch!

Eitaro assumes a martyred look.

3a. Eitaro: Why is it?
b. Why can't pure love be rewarded?

4. Eitaro: Oh, pure love--is platonic love barren?

p. 5
Eitaro imagines a girl laughing at him.
1a. Girl: Platonic?
b. Bwahahaha!

Eitaro gets even more upset.
2a. Get thee behind me, Satan!
b. Damn Michiru Saeki!

3. 19 times.

4a. Narration: This boy, Eitaro Miyata, a.k.a. "Can't get a date Eitaro" or "No go Eitaro" for short…
b. Eitaro: Women!
c. Why don't they understand me?
d. Narration: …is by nature an extremely pure-minded guy, which is to say -- he's been turned down 19 times!

A friend pops his head in the door.

5. Friend: Yo, Eitaro

6a. Friend: Why're you looking so down?
b. Eitaro: Hm? Glum? You noticed?

7. Friend: You've been turned down again!

8a. Eitaro: Get out!
b. Friend: Hey, here's a letter for ya!

p.6
Eitaro has a letter with a heart on it
1. Eitaro: What's with this let...

He notices the heart.

2. Eitaro: It's a love letter!

3a. Letter: To the amazing Eitaro [Eitaro-sama]: Please forgive my rudeness in suddenly contacting you like this. My name is Mayumi Nakazono from C class.
b. Eitaro: Wahaha
c. Letter: Ever since school started, I've had a secret wish. Please meet me in the auditorium tomorrow after class. I've included a photo.

Eitaro is overjoyed.

4a. Narration: This guy's weak point is -- as will become clear…
b. Eitaro: What to do...
c. Narration: …He only falls for very beautiful girls.
[trans. note: there's actually a word for this in Japanese--a "menkui"]

5a. Eitaro: She's cyuuuute!
b. I'm in love -- for the 20th time!

p.7
The auditorium, backstage. Eitaro and Mayumi are sitting together.
1a. Eitaro: Picking a place like this far from prying eyes tells me what a wonderful person you are.
b. Mayumi simpers: Well…

2a. Mayumi: I called you here so abruptly -- I apologize.
b. Eitaro: Not at all.

3a. Mayumi: Do you think I'm being too forward?
b. Eitaro: Don't be silly.

4a. Eitaro: Th-th-this is it!
b. She's just what I've been waiting for.

5. Eitaro: Ma-mayumi.

p.8
Mayumi grabs his hand.

1. Mayumi: What is it, Eitaro?

Eitaro shakes her hand off.

2. Eitaro: Wa-wa-wa...

3a. Mayumi: What is it?
b. Eitaro: I was just too excited.

4a. Mayumi: I'm so happy.
b. Eitaro: Arg!

She hugs him.

5a. Eitaro: Wh-what-what are you doing? Get off! Get off!
b. Mayumi: It's okay.
c. Eitaro: Quit it! Please...just get off.

6. Eitaro: Before we do that, I've got a question for you.

7a. Eitaro: What are planning for between us? Before marriage, that is.
b. Mayumi: Marriage!?

p.9
1. Mayumi: You're joking!

2. Eitaro: (indignantly) So...so you're just another girl who would have sex just to sate a temporary desire!

3. Mayumi: That's enough!

She slaps him.

4a. Eitaro: Ow...
b. Mayumi: I didn't think you were that sort of guy. I hope you've had your say.

5a. Mayumi: I hate people like you!
b. Eitaro: J-just a sec...

6a. Eitaro: Give me a chance to think about this. If we talk for a while...
b. Mayumi: If who talks?

p.10
1. Mayumi: Get away!

She pushes him through the stage curtain. A congratulations pinata (what are those things called anyway?) opens up. The banner says "The 20th time."

2. Eitaro: Huh?

The auditorium is full of students. Michiru is waving merrily at him with a pair of fans.

p.11
1a. Michiru: Ta-da!
b. Turned down 20 times.
c. Guy: Congratulations!

2a. Eitaro: D-damn you! You set me up again.
b. Michiru: Of course. A mike picked up the whole thing.
c. You got no-where.

3a. Mayumi: Yaay! Now I can be a member of the beautiful girls club!
b. I'm so happy!

4. Michiru: Congrats. Here's your certificate to show that you're one of the beautiful girls who've turned down Eitaro.

5a. Eitaro: What's this? What's going on?
b. Michiru: You only fall for really pretty girls, so that's how we know how pretty a girl is. Only girls that you fall for can join our pretty girls club.

6a. Michiru: That way people can quickly judge and say, "Oh, he fell for her? She must be beautiful."
b. Mayumi: We've got a much better chance of getting a date.

p.12
1a. Newspaper: School newspaper special edition!! Eitaro Miyada getting turned down for the 20th time special commemorative edition!

2a. Eitaro: Uh...
b. Uh...
c. Guy: Hey there, playboy.

[trans note: menkui again. It just doesn't really translate well as "Hey there, guy who only falls for pretty girls"]

3a. Guy: Why don't you go for an even 100?
b. Guy: He's the shame of the school.

4a. Eitaro: That damn Michiru. I'll gonna kill her!
b. Oof!

He bumps into a teacher.

5. Eitaro: Uh … excuse me.

The teacher looks at his newspaper.

6. Teacher: Bwahahahahaha.

7. Teacher. Hm… excuse me.

p.13.
1a. Teacher: Hahahaha.
b. Ahem. Sorry, sorry.

2. Voice off-panel: Hey, Eitaro.

3. Michiru: Did you see the paper?

4a. Michiru: I'm so popular now, it's embarassing.
b. And it's all thanks to you. Won't you give me a kiss?

Eitaro runs off crying.

p.14
Eitaro is standing on the edge of a dramatic cliff.

a. Eitaro: Is there no pure love in this world?
b. Oh, pure love… Without it, I cannot continue to live.
[trans. note: The Japanese is pretty high-falutin here]

1a. Eitaro: Without love, it will be unbearably lonely.
b. I…I…

p.15
1. Eitaro: I have been conquered by loneliness.

He imagines Michiru laughing at him.

2a. Michiru: Nope! You've been conquered by society.

b. Eitaro: Sob!

Eitaro jumps off the cliff.

3. Eitaro: Damn it all! At least I'll die a clean death.

4. Narration: Oh, Eitaro. If only you had truly died. It's only because you didn't quite die that such a horrible fate befell you. Amen.

p.16.
A dilapidated mansion.

1a. Hilter-like mad scientist: Don't die, Haruna, my beloved wife.
b. You won't die.

2a. Mad scientist: I'll return you to life soon.

p.17
The operation continues.

Time passes.

The rest of this page is seen through Eitaro's eyes as he looks round the room.

1a. Eitaro: Where am I?
b. The afterlife?

2. Eitaro: Bleah. The afterlife sure is dirty.

3a. Eitaro: Aw, no angels?
b. Angels -- beautiful, cute angels.

4. Eitaro: Idiot...Even dead, I still fall for pretty girls.

p.18
1. Eitaro: Huh?

2. Eitaro: There is an angel!

3a. Eitaro: What's your name?
b. How old are you?

Eitaro falls over.

4. Mad scientist: Ah, you've woken up.

p.19
The mad scientist is holding Eitaro/Haruna's hand.

1. Mad scientist: Ha...Haruna, Haruna.

2a. Mad scientist: Thanks God, thank God, success.
b. It's a success!
c. Eitaro: Bleah!

3a. Mad scientist: I did it. It was such good luck. On the day the brain tumor killed you, I found a guy who had committed suicide. I manage to put his brain in your body.
b. Eitaro: Wh...wh...what?

p.20
1a. Eitaro: Murderer! How can you just decide to do something like this on a whim?
b. Mad scientist: Huh?

2. Mad scientist: Oh, yeah...the brain is that stupid boy's.

3. Mad scientist: Don't worry, your body is being properly cared for.

He shows Eitaro a glass box where a body is lying with a respirator.

4a. Eitaro: That's me?
b. It's in such bad shape...
c. Mad scientist: Please forgive me. It's just that I didn't want to lose the body of my beloved wife.

5a. Mad scientist: My wife was my only reason for living.
b. Now that I've transplanted you, this body is garbage, as far as I'm concerned.

6a. Eitaro: Don't play with me! I didn't want to become a girl.
b. As if I died just to become female.

7. Eitaro: With such a beautiful body...

p.21
Eitaro practically walks into a mirror.

1. Eitaro: Beautiful...

2. Eitaro: Hoo-ha. She's my type.

Eitaro thinks for a moment then squeezes her chest.

3a. Eitaro: Ha-haa. That feels good.
b. My first experience.

4. Eitaro: Oh yeah, oh yeah. To be such a beautiful girl...It looks like it'll be fun.

(In tiny letter, pointing at the above word balloon) [What a stupid lech.]

The mad scientist is getting excited.

5a. Mad scientist: You understand me! From now on, you'll be my wife.
b. Eitaro: Waah -- get away! Get!

p.22
In Eitaro's new bedroom.

1. Eitaro: So beautiful…

2a. Eitaro: All this beauty is mine?
b. I'm a wife, but still…

3a. Eitaro: Hahahaha… It's trouble, isn't it… me…
b. Kyahahaha

She winks at the mirror

4a. Eitaro: Haruna-san.
b. Eitaro in the mirror: Ye-e-es, Eitaro-san.

5. Eitaro: Hee-hee-hee

p.23
1a. Eitaro: You're so cute. I really love you.
b. Can I hug you?
c. Eitaro in the mirror: That sounds good.
[trans. note: she's using onna-kotoba here]

Eitaro embraces herself, then looks shocked.

2a. Eitaro: I'm such a jerk!
b. Why am I doing this?

3a. Eitaro: To be happy because my brain is in a girl's body!
b. It's unclean! It's impure! It's patheitc!!
c. My brain is turning perverted!! I want to go back to my old body!!

p.24
The mad scientist pokes his head in the door.
1a. Mad Scientist: Good morning. You're awake?
b. You look as lovely as ever.

2a. Mad Scientist: No issues with your body, eh?
b. Eitaro: Mm.

3. Mad Scientist: Now for a morning kiss...

4a. Eitaro: Don't hug me!
She hits the Mad Scientist on the head with a vase.
b. Mad Scientist: Ow.

5. Eitaro: You jerk, why did you turn me into a girl?

6a. Eitaro: It's because you thought I'd be all cuddly and you'd be able to cuddle with me, isn't it!
b. Mad Scientist: So -- sorry.

p.25
1a. Eitaro: Sorry doesn't cut it. Put me back in my old body!
b. Mad Scientist: Wait! Hear my story first.

2a. Mad Scientist (voice over): When they discovered my wife's brain tumor, she had just one month to live.
b. It was on a windy evening.

3. Mad Scientist: I was running crying along the beach, mad with grief…

4a. Mad Scientist (voice over): Somehow, I was thinking to chase after my wife.
b. Mad Scientist (in frame): Haruna…

5. Mad Scientist cries out: Harunaaaaa!

p.26
Mad Scientist falls into the sea. He sees Eitaro's body.

1a. Mad Scientist: What's this? A drowned body?
b. Another person has fallen off that cliff, I suppose.

2. Mad Scientist: He's still breathing.

3a. Mad Scientist: Wahahahaha.
b. Haruna, wait for me, I'll bring you back to life.

Back in the lab.

4a. Eitaro: So you put my brain in.
a. Mad Scientist: I was half-insane at the time.
b. I'm truly sorry.

p.27
1a. Eitaro: Has a month passed since I committed suicide?
b. Everyone must be worried...

2a. Mad Scientist: You're fine on that score. I typed a suicide note and left it with your shoes at the top of the cliff.
b. Eitaro: Wha...

3a. Eitaro: Why did you pull that sort of crap!? Now everyone must think I'm dead!

b. Mad Scientist: Actually, you did die once.

4a. Eitaro: But it's still horrible. Please change me back.
b. Mad Scientist: Into that? Can't be done.

5a. Eitaro (off-panel): Why?
b. Mad Scientist (off-panel): I can put your brain in, but the body is so messed up you probably wouldn't even live two days.

6. Eitaro: No way!

Mad Scientist: But don't worry; if you give me two or three months, the body will be completely recovered.

7a. Eitaro: Really!?
b. Mad Scientist: But on one condition.

p.28
1a. Mad Scientist: During the 3 months your body is recovering, be my wife.
b. Eitaro: What?

2a. Eitaro: This isn't funny! To be your wife!? It's sick!!
b. Mad Scientist: OK. You'll just have to stay in that body for ever.

3a. Eitaro: I-I see. OK, I'll do it, I'll do it.
b. It's really only for three months?
c. Indeed.

4a. Eitaro: Three months? No way around it, I suppose.
b. To play the role of a female, will I do it?

5a. Mad Scientist: Heeheehee. In three months, female hormones will be flooding the brain. When that happens, she'll become just like a real female.

b. When you combine a male and a female mouse, it's common knowledge in today's medicine that the male becomes feminine.

p.29
1a. Eitaro: How old is Haruna?
b. Mad Scientist: 17.

2a. Eitaro: The same age as me? You married such a young girl?
b. Mad Scientist: She fell in love with the genius of Kyouji Hitora.
[translation note: His last name is a Japanified prounciation of "Hilter." We know, bad taste. Yuzuki has a thing about Hilteresque mad scientists.]

3a. Hitora: You're the same age, so it should be easy.
b. Can you act like a girl now?

4a. Eitaro: I'll try…
b. …d-e-a-r.

5. Hitora: Uwahahaha. Harunaa!

6. Eitaro: Quit it!

Hitora: Argh...

7a. Eitaro: Where can I change?
b. Hitora: I'll just leave.

p.30
Hitora throws down a bra and slip.

1. Eitaro: Heeey!

2. Hitora: And now for a top…

3a. Eitaro: B-b-b-bra…! Am I supposed to wear this?
b. Hitora: Naturally.

4a. Eitaro: B-b-but this is a girl's…
b. Hitora: You're a girl.

5a. Eitaro: Oh man…
b. This is too much…

She takes off her top.

6a. Eitaro: Eheh. I guess my mind wandered.
b. Hitora: Pure-minded boy. Well, at least I know she won't do anything weird.

Eitaro is trying to put on the bra.

7a. Eitaro: Er...
b. Damn!

p.31
She can't clip it.

1a. Eitaro: Owowowow.
b. Hitora: What a dunce!

Eitaro can't uncross her arms from behind her back. More antics ensue (it's all visual, so read the book).

2. Hitora: I hope it'll be okay. What's going to happen when it's time to put on panties?

p.32
Eitaro is mostly dressed. Hitora is helping her with her shoes.

1. Hitora: Finished at last.

2a. Hitora: It's already noon, isn't it? How can changing take 3 hours?
b. Eitaro: I'm not used to it, so I can't help it.

3a. Hitora: Lunch! Make lunch!
b. Eitaro: Me... um, little me make lunch?
[trans. Eitaro shifting to onna kotoba.]

4a. Hitora: Shall I show you where everything is?
b. Eitaro: I got it, okay?

She trips.

5. Hitora: We'll also have to buy shoes.

6a. Eitaro: Ow ow ow.
b. My stomach hurts.

p.33
1a. Hitora: What's wrong?
b. Did something get hit?

2a. Eitaro: Don't touch my stomach!
b. I'll leak!

They stare at each other.

3a. Hitora: You idiot.
b. How long have you been holding it in?

4a. Eitaro: Since last night.
b. Hitora: You'll get a bladder inflamation. Now, go to the bathroom!

5a. Eitaro: B-b-but…
b. It's embarassing.
c. Hitora: Embarassing? What?

6a. Eitaro: I've never even held a girl's hand. And down there...
b. I'd have to wipe it, right?
[trans. note: she's speaking like a boy here, which makes it funnier.]

p.34
1a. Hitora: Don't talk like it's something horrible!
b. Eitaro: But...

2a. Hitora: You'll die! Close your eyes and wipe.
b. Eitaro: I can't, I can't!

3a. Hitora: Don't talk rubbish.
b. After I went to all that trouble to bring you back to life, you think you can die on me?

He throws her in the bathroom and listens in at the door.

Voice from the bathroom:

4. Yuck, bleah, foo, bleah. I did it.

p.35
On a train.

1a. Eitaro: What's all this "make lunch!", "Do the shopping!" crap? That short-mustached creep.
b. Thinking that it's just fine and dandy to hold a person's body hostage.

The rest of the page is a visual gag, so just read it.

p.36
In the station.

1a. Announcement: Please wait behind the white line for the arrival of the Keihin-Touhoku train.
b. Eitaro: Sigh… pretending to be a girl is such a pain…
c. For one thing…

2a. Eitaro: Waah!
b. Why do I hafta pee so often?

3. Eitaro: Toilet, toilet, toilet…

4. Eitaro: There's one!

She bounces off a guy with a sign that says "in the middle of cleaning"

5a. Eitaro: Toilet...restroom...
b. Damn!

6. Eitaro: There's one!

p.37
She runs into a men's room.

1a. Man: Wha-?
b. Other men: Hey! What the-?(etc.)

2. Eitaro: Huh? It's gone!

She goes running out again.

3a. Eitaro: Aaaah!
b. Craaap!

4. Eitaro: B..being in a hurry c...can really be a problem.

Sign: In memory of a dearly departed, 49 days after his death.

5a. Eitaro: Huh?
b. Funeral

6a. Eitaro: It's my house.
b. Oh, no -- did my sickly Mom die?

p.38
Eitaro runs into the house.

1a. Eitaro: Yo, bro!
[trying to simulate otoko-kotoba here]
b. Eitaro's brother: a. Huh?
c. Wow! She's gorgeous!

2a. Eitaro's brother: Wahaha. I don't know what's going on, but I'm happy.
b. Eitaro: Wh-who died? Mother? Father?

3a. Eitaro's brother: My brother Eitaro did, but...
b. Eitaro: My funeral?

4a. Eitaro's brother: You knew him?
b. Eitaro: What?
c. Oh, um…

5a. Eitaro: Well, um, let's just say no one knew him like I do.
b. Eitaro's brother: Oh…

6a. Eitaro: Hahahaha. Yup, that's right.
b. So, Eitaro's dead? Heeheehee.

Eitaro's brother grabs her hand.

p.39
1a. Eitaro's brother: You're Eitaro's lover...How did that moron get someone like you...pathetic.
b. Eitaro: Huh?

2. Eitaro's brother: How about it? When the funeral's over, why don't we go on a date?

3a. Eitaro: Oh, my, no. That wouldn't do at all, not at a time like this.
b. Eitaro's brother: It's not big deal what we do, right. He's dead, after all.

4a. Eitaro: Oh please, my good sir, stop. [trans. note: trying to simulate onna kotoba again]
b. Eitaro's brother: Heeheehee. You're cute.
c. Eitaro's brother: OK.

Eitaro falls into her brother's arms.

5. Eitaro: I said it's not OK, Mr. protruding navel.

Eitaro's brother drops her.

6. Eitaro: Ow!

7. Eitaro's brother: This is weird...I could've sworn that only the family knows that.

8a. Eitaro's brother: Naaah, it doesn't stick out at all!
b. You!
c. Eitaro: This jerk is really persistent.

p.40
Eitaro hits her brother on the head with a book.

1. Eitaro: Give it a rest, all right?!

2a. Eitaro: Hmph!
b. Besides, if you look at it, I'm someone else's wife.
[trans. note: otoko kotoba]

3a. Eitaro: Say, isn't this the condolence book?
b. Aha! If I read this, I'll know how everyone really feels...

4a. Eitaro: My home-room teach Mr. Morizaki--20,000 yen.
b. Mr. Morizaki: Please forgive me, I'm sorry!
c. Eitaro: He really laughed at me that day, but he had his good points, too.

5a. Eitaro: The music teacher, Miss Harada--also 20,000 yen.
b. Miss Harada: Mr. Miyada...
c. Eitaro: Woohoo--that teacher--she liked me, huh? It's almost embarassing...

6. Eitaro: That's how it is, I guess. After a person dies, the arguments are forgotten. Only the good memories remain.

p.41
1a. Eitaro: Next is...
b. the beautiful girls club.

She drops the book.

2. Eitaro (crying): 200 yen.

The page has a bunch of names; on the left hand side it says "200 yen".

3a. Eitaro: Be...be...beautiful girls club--200 yen?!
b. Ten yen each!? That's not funny!!
c. Th...th..those guys. Even after I died, they have to make a fool out of me!!

p.42
At the memorial for Eitaro.

1a. Michiru: I'm really sorry.
[trans. note for those reading along: she actually says something completely different, but this expresses the sentiment]
b. Eitaro's mother: I really thank you for coming.

2a. Eitaro's mother: For him to commit suicide like that...
b. Even though we searched for a month, we couldn't find the body.

3a. Eitaro's mother: On that day, he headed off to school, smiling just like usual. Why would he have done it?
b. Michiru: I...I dunno.

4. Michiru: We also can't believe that such a good guy would kill himself.

Eitaro enters in the background.

p.43
1a. Eitaro: Enough already...
b. Michiru--you're the reason why!

2. Eitaro: Mi-chi-ru...

3a. Michiru: Who're you?
b. Eitaro: Eitaro's childhood friend.

4a. Eitaro: Since that time, he and I corresponded a lot, but I haven't seen him since he grew up.
b. What sort of person was he?

5a. Another girl: Well, to be honest, he was really handsome.
b. Eitaro: Ho-hoo.

6a. Eitaro: They're saying some really nice things about me, eh?
b. Maybe I need to rethink things.

p.44
1a. Eitaro: Here, have a chocolate.
b. Girl: Oh, are you sure?

2a. Eitaro: Sure, sure, eat as many as you want.
b. So?
c. Michiru: He was a lech, but his eye for women was perfect.

3a. Another girl: He was also good at school.
b. Eitaro: How about some candy? I've also got gum.
c. Girl 2: He was so pure, he would've been an ideal boyfriend.
d. Girl 3: Ehehe, you stole my words. [?]

4a. Michiru: Well, in a word...
b. Eitaro: Ye-e-es?

5. Michiru: He was an idiot, after all.

6a. Eitaro: So that's how she feels?
b. L...l...look, I'm going to have my revenge. I'll destroy you!
c. Then you'll really cry.

p.45
At school

1. Teacher (Mr. Morizaki is his name, I think): And now, the person who's just transferred into this school.

2a. Boy: Wow, she's gorgeous.
b. Michiru: Ah...

3a. Eitaro: I'm Haruna Hitora.
b. Pleased to meet you.